My Situation Is Vacant

Wish me luck in my new job.

I didn’t apply for it.  Neither do I have the appropriate skillset.

This job doesn’t take into account anything that I have done before.

In fact, I’ve never been more unqualified for a job in my life.

This has to be the only job that you don’t have to apply for.

How jammy am I?!!!

Let me explain.

As of next week, I am leaving my current job in search of a new one.

I’m treating myself to a bit of time off too – bit of this, bit of that, bit of freelance work, bit of blog maintenance, get the house in order, big old sort out – you know the kind of thing.

I am also very excited about finding my next ‘ideal job’.

In advance of this, I noticed that the paperwork at home was resembling a Jenga tower and given my Jenga prowess, I decided to take a few pieces out.

This resulted in filling a few forms in, making a few grown-up appointments and having a few meetings.

I was so good at all of the above that they offered me the job!

Imagine that.

Simples.  Check me out!

My new job, according to the form filling ‘opinion makers’ is Housewife.

Now, before you congratulate me on my success, I urge you to spare me a thought because I’m actually quite worried.

I questioned the job offer on the basis that I’m not qualified to be a Housewife – was I obliged to take the position?

No choice apparently, homemaker perhaps, (lady of leisure was also touted) or unemployed.

I have to choose one.

What is expected of the ‘Housewife’ then?

I have been offered the job before when I was at home with my daughter as a baby but I wasn’t looking for work back then.  I was just getting by doing the best I could.

I know of others that have been given the job too.

It sounds like it involves commitment to someone.

I wonder if there will be a ‘do’?

This is not a feminist rant, it’s not my style and as for burning my bra – I don’t have enough bras to be so frivolous.

If it was Iron Man in the same position, I would be mortified if he was given the title of ‘House Husband’.  (The fact that he is in training as a Circus performer at the moment is beside the point).

So why am I worried?

Well for a start-off, I’m going on holiday during the first week of my new employment.

Secondly, not only will I be working but I will also be looking for work.

Moonlighting and job hunting.  Not good for a new joiner that was on holiday the week she was due to start.

Also, I can’t work everyday because I’ve actually made plans.

Oh and there’s The Kid.

Who’s wife did you say I am?

“Housewife”

That was it.

Who thought that job title up then?

Do I need to train?

Wait for it though!

The best bit.

No pay!

No bloody pay!

Only me.

What would you do? Would you take it?

Am I crazy to let this opportunity pass – the job I don’t want, the job that doesn’t pay.

It’s also just dawned on me that I’ve been doing this job all along anyway.

You probably have too but like me you’ve never given it a name.

My point here is that I actually want the job I described earlier.

That doesn’t pay either in the short term but that’s my prerogative.

There is no ‘category’ for this.

There are simply “No Vacancies”.

No box available to tick.  No delete ‘as appropriate’.

The Tick Box police have spoken and I have to be a Housewife.

I suppose I should get on as I’ve got a whole stack of things to do before I start this new job.

Did I mention I won’t be there for about the first month?

I would say hold the pay cheque but there isn’t one.

Just keep my seat warm then.

See you around April time.

Nicky x#