When Scary Mary Shows Up

I refer to Scary Mary as the one that shows up when you are about to do something that is out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes she even brings her mates!

Scary Mary will often show herself when you are taking a step into the unknown or doing something that is a leap towards a goal that is for the greater good.

Often we play safe and keep on doing things the way we know.  We will continue on our journey in a way that is comfortable.  If we keep doing the things we are good at, then we don’t get found out by Scary Mary.

Conversely, this is generally the time when playing safe is a luxury we can ill afford.

Quite often we can find ourselves plunged into change that we hadn’t planned for.  And never one to miss an opportunity for a holiday, this will be when Scary Mary turns up with her suitcase.  She will bang on for hours and hours about ‘pitfalls’ and ‘shoulds’ until we want to jump into her suitcase and hide.

What can be really confusing though is when we really do want to make a leap. And then out of nowhere, we are suddenly overwhelmed with ‘what-ifs’.  I can only assume that ‘what if’ is a distant relative of Scary Mary that shows up when she is busy.

It is generally the case that the thing that terrifies us the most is the thing that ultimately pushes us on to something better.

I say this with confidence as I know that this is certainly the case for me.

The phone call we don’t want to make, the meeting we don’t want to go to or the event that we are about to attend – the one that scares the hell out of us.  I’m sure you can think of more examples.

A fear of failing, looking daft, supposing this happens, supposing no one is interested, I really shouldn’t be doing this, this is absurd and so it goes on.

Been there?

A fear of failure and success in equal measure.

At times like this and when we feel this way, it is very hard to imagine what might happen if we just allow ourselves to show up.

That we might actually get the gig or stumble upon a true gem.

I always work on the logic whenever I am about to do something ‘scary’ that whatever happens there will always be at least one benefit to having just ‘shown up’.

I used to be incredibly shy and a roomful of strangers would send me in to a tail spin.  And although I do still have a quiver in large groups (small groups are my preferred arrangement), I’ve got it covered now and will always truck up to events, often by myself.

I’m sure even the most confident of people have to give themselves a pep talk in the toilet sometimes.  I comfort myself with this fact.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m also a realist and there are times when the best advice would have been to stay home and wash my hair but these times are generally the exception rather than the rule.

One of the biggest examples for me of ‘showing up’ was being dragged along to a business networking event by a dear friend many years ago.

To say that I was terrified is an understatement.  It was one of those events where I was scared to shake hands with anyone for fear of sweaty palm syndrome whilst at the same time praying that no one would ask me about myself.   I  stayed terrified during the whole event despite having a great time.

And I went again and again.

That event was probably one of my defining moments.  I met people that day who I consider to be among my closest friends now and I have to say that the people and business owners I have met, and continue to meet through networking, have taught me more than I have ever learned anywhere else.

Equally, there is generally always humour around at times of a wobble.  This means you get to sit in the loo having a pep talk with yourself while giggling at the same time.  It is when we are trying to act normal that we find ourselves doing or saying the most random of things.

If you happen to find someone that also finds it funny, you’ve probably got yourself a friend for life.

I once went to an interview which involved climbing lots of narrow stairs. So narrow that I had to walk sideways.  A bit like a crab.   Naturally, I wore my ‘bestest’ high heels.  Just as naturally one came off and bonk, bonk, bonked down the stairs in slow motion past the interviewer.  This meant that I very unnaturally had to hop down the stairs in my suit to reclaim the shoe at the bottom of the stairs while trying to make a ‘normal’ conversation about it.  That was interesting.  I drew the line at making a Cinderella crack.

Sometimes you just know that you aren’t the person specified.

No amount of over-planning could have prevented that one.  There is always an element of fate in our day.

And I think sometimes it’s the over-planning that is part of the problem.

Because shoes will always be shoes and they are unpredictable.

Scary Mary is also unpredictable.

She comes and she goes.  She will rarely share any wisdom or advice.  She will be clean out of ideas and she will certainly never warn you against wearing stilettos.

And no matter how fearful I may be, I will always show up.

As the great saying goes, if you keep doing what you’re doing, you keep getting what you’re getting.

It is so easy to think of reasons why not but it is generally only the reasons why that are worth pursuing.

I know that I am not alone in this.

These are the types of conversations that people have with each other all the time.

In fact, my daughter expressed concern recently about attending an event.  I shared with her the fact that it is quite usual to be a little bit nervy when we are going somewhere new or with people we don’t know.  That grown ups feel like that sometimes too.

And I would be a bad mother if I didn’t warn her off the stilettos wouldn’t I!

So that’s me.  How about you?

Do you glide into new situations naturally and with ease or do you skid in with your shoes glued on and a comforter in your bag?

Nicky

PS No offence if your name is Mary by the way!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve Turned Into A Nation Of Shouters

I am sure that I am not the only one that will be glad when today is over.

You may remember back in April I wrote about feeling the need to understand more about the implications of  voting In or Out.  Where I held up my hands to feeling a lack of knowledge in the area of politics and my desire to learn more about hard facts in order to make an informed decision.

Funnily enough, and not surprisingly, I feel no further forward with that.  I am sure many others feel the same.

As an adult, there are still many things I wish to know.  About everything.  Lifelong learning is my passion.  I love to listen to others.  There is always something new to learn if you are quiet for long enough.

Quiet is something that has been lacking during this Referendum campaign.

Facebook, it seems, has become the medium through which to share our views on the Referendum and I am sure we can all name a few people that have really got on our nerves during this campaign.  I mean really got on our nerves.    Nail your colours to the mast by all means but then just, well – just shut up.    We get which way you are voting.  Some of us may have felt a little envy that you reached a decision before us – but we applaud that.  We don’t then need you to share every piece of evidence that you have read to inform your view.  We do not need you to convince us of your decision.  Or are you still convincing yourself?  I wonder.

The Polling Stations are open.  Go exercise your right.  I shall be.

Equally, there are those that we are always interested to hear from.  Those that will always have a learned opinion.  They can debate from a reasoned perspective, they can talk about your views and their own without breaking into a sweat.  We are interested in how these people are voting.   They are interested in us too.  We trust these people and value their views.  They will value ours.  Whether or not we agree.  We don’t hear too much from them at time likes this.  Their less is generally more.

My question today though is who has had the backs of the children over the last few months.

The future generation.

The very people for whom we are claiming to vote.

The very essence of why we are voting the way we are.

Has anyone checked in to see their thoughts or how they are voting?

Children are like sponges.  They are also very easily influenced.  Children will generally be the voice of their parents.  I was.  You probably were too.  I have been keen to avoid this for my daughter, particularly as she grows into a young lady.

I am really appreciative that our school has had a mock Election for the children and that they have encouraged them to share their views if they want to.  I worked in a childcare business where this happened too.   It is great fun for the children, it raises their awareness of current affairs and encourages them to explore opinion.  They start to think about their own opinion, that they have one, and that others do too.  They will also learn that it is perfectly acceptable to have a different opinion to their friends.  I applaud schools for doing this.  And it’s just as well that they have really.

Because our future generation have been exposed to rather a lot of ‘shouters’ over the last few months.

They have been privy to seeing a level of unprecedented vitriol in this campaign.  Where politicians and leading figures – male and female, are using their fists to articulate their points.  Words like ‘fear’ and ‘hate’ have been bandied around so much they have gained hashtags.  A further example of the lack of eloquence from those in whom we have to place our trust.

What a wonderful example being set for the very group of people that we are claiming to be doing this for.

Debate is healthy.   It can also be animated.   Our children need to know that it is perfectly acceptable to have an opinion.  We call this democracy.

Our curriculum allows our children access to learn about historical political events which have shaped the way we are today.  Children are encouraged to share, to raise their hand, to join in.

Not raising their hand can be indicative of a child’s uncertainty of what others may think.  The fear of being laughed at or ‘turned upon’.

And then they see a bunch of enraged adults intent on humiliating each other by way of an example.

We cannot provide them with these tools in one hand and then take them away with the other.

There is no learning to be gained from that.

However you are voting today, I truly hope that that the result goes the way the way that you wish.

We are all doing our bit in the best way we can by turning up at the Polling Station today.

But let’s go back to being a nation that we are proud of tomorrow.

This is something that we have always done so well.