On 19th May 2006, 12 days overdue, The Kid came very slowly into the world.
I realise now this was intended to prepare us for the fact that we would spend much of the next 10 years waiting.
I also realise that the next 10 years will involve a lot more waiting.
Probably late at night. Outside.
There were questions about parentage when traits of Charles Kennedy were spotted.
We wondered if she would ever stop laughing.
She hasn’t and has the most infectious laugh.
She is also showing traits of having my sense of humour which can only be a good thing.
We also wondered if she would every stop crying.
The 10th Battalion of the South Woodford Mums Baby Group (Est. 2006) wondered too.
Along with both sides of the family tree.
We wondered if she would ever stop eating.
Not for long though, turns out she’s the fussiest kid on the planet. Chicken curry will always haunt the locals.
However, she is truly loyal to her Cornish and East London background and eats Pie ‘n’ Mash and Cornish Pasties in equal measure.
We did wonder if she would ever stop hitting people when she was two though. “Excuse me is that your daughter?” was a popular question at playgroups and parent and baby gatherings.
I was that parent. The Kid was that child.
Hard to imagine as you wouldn’t say boo to a goose now.
And I also feel that an apology is due to all those thinking that the many potholes around the country were a result of the British weather. You were wrong. It’s because of the amount of times that the ground has opened up to swallow me.
The Kid from a very young age has had an uncanny knack of saying precisely what she thinks at precisely the wrong moment.
All those things that everyone thinks but doesn’t say. Nice one. Absolutely no filter whatsobloodyever.
So fed up with apologising and giving you the ‘stare’, I now just pretend that I have gone into a coma.
I feel very smug having transitioned into the guise of being an ‘uncool mum’ and I know that I will not have to try very hard to return some of these embarrassing moments.
You have a wonderful dad in Iron Man. You have always been a daddy’s girl and the fact that I have always been the one that had to sit on my own or behind – think nothing of it. I have always been more than happy to be the crowd. Never feel bad about that.
Particularly when you’ve got your grubby little hands in my make up bag.
Know also, that the mirror in the bedroom is yours. It is perfectly fine to stand in front of me when I am getting ready. I do not need to see what I look like from the neck down.
And don’t be so generous with your perfume when I am behind you. You have a fabulous taste but the Superdrug So……….In Love range, So …….. doesn’t work with mummy hormones.
We wondered if there would be a brother or a sister. There hasn’t and any attempts to change that now would probably put me on the front page of The Sun. Some things are best left (see embarrassing parents).
And of course we will always be wondering.
Because despite having done 10 years, the parenting lark does not get any easier.
Having said that I don’t think me and Iron Man have done too badly.
We have met and made the most beautiful and lasting friendships.
Although, as you rightly point out, we wouldn’t have all these friends if it wasn’t for you!
I guess you think we sat in before you came along!!
Whether they are your friends or ours, they have all been bloody troopers through thick and thin. There are some people that you just cannot shake off and we all love every single one of them.
And parenting has caused us to question our sanity in later years.
Quite frankly, we’ve been rubbish at it. Still are.
But we’re oh so glad we got to have a go as we really have got so many amazing memories.
We’ve also done some of the craziest things.
It’s amazing you are still here really!
Don’t take that the wrong way though.
There is no need for you to be still here once you are an adult.
We know that you have designs on a place at Elderly Acres for us.
And that you have been eyeing up the Bluebird Residential Care van.
All I can say is that there is no need. Keep the inheritance for best.
A caravan on the drive of your family home will suffice.
You can then sleep very soundly knowing that we will always be waiting outside.
Cheers to all 3 of us!!